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26 May 2014 - 3:59pm

Explanations For Why I Haven't Posted on DiaryLand in 3 1/2 Years (interspersed with a fragmented recounting of events which have occurred since)

  1. LiveJournal

  2. Facebook

  3. For most of the year of 2010 I was out of work, broke and increasingly desperate, until...

  4. ...I got a new job in the Autumn of that year. Actually, it was my old pal K-Monkey who got me in the door. The job was initially a temp gig w/ Wunderlicht, testing a new release of Lilienthal (the successor to The Software I Used To Train With, back in the old T3DS days).

  5. My commute to Wunderlicht involved a 5-hour round trip. I was working with three of my personal heroes; I didn't complain.

  6. I spent the whole of 2011 mostly happily immersed in my new (now full-time permanent) day job, except for...

  7. ...the parts where I realized how unhappy I was (for reasons upon which I may or may not elaborate in the future), and started seeing a new therapist.

  8. In addition to a daily practice I'd started, of venting my feelings into a small handheld digital recorder that S-A had given me back in Xmas 2009, I added yet another step of 'remove' from my old practice of using DL as a medium to vent.

  9. I started going to the gym.

  10. I started writing fiction.

  11. We got Juno a little brother, a black lab puppy named Kodi.

  12. 2012 is mostly a blur. This is probably related to the fact that Shelby-Alice's health took a serious turn for the worse, resulting in no fewer than three hospitalizations over the course of that year.

  13. Things got financially a lot tighter, due to S-A's various health benefits (her only source of income) being slashed roughly in half when Deen turned 18.

  14. The company where I worked "merged" with The Slag, a larger company based in Europe.

  15. My therapist's operating budget was slashed, resulting in the relocation of her practice and the discontinuation of my treatment.

  16. 2013 started with the first of another four hospitalizations for Shelby-Alice.

  17. The above-mentioned "merger" turned out to be an outright acquisition; despite a flood of money from our new paymasters, office morale plummeted under the newly-corporatized workplace culture; I was placed on "performance probation", with the clearly-stated threat of being fired a daily reality.

  18. Juno developed arthritis.

  19. Kodi grew to tower over his older sister.

  20. Financially, things got super-bad.

  21. I stopped writing.

  22. I stopped going to the gym.

  23. I started drinking. Not daily, but heavily (for me, anyway).

  24. I started 2014 by being witness to the firing of K-Monkey, and then a week later, myself.

  25. I somehow qualified for Unemployment Insurance benefits (which run out soon).

  26. Despite my initial protestations to the contrary, I've realized how seriously depressed I've become.

  27. I've stopped drinking.

  28. I've started biking regularly with Shelby-Alice, through a local non-profit occupational therapy outreach program; we ride recumbent 3-wheelers in Berkeley on the weekends.

  29. Shelby-Alice started seeing a therapist of her own. She hasn't been back to the hospital so far this year.

  30. Financially-speaking, things are even worse than last year. We're trying to hold on as best we can.

  31. As hard as it is to believe, we have been living together, here in this house, for a decade. We just celebrated our 12th anniversary.

  32. I'm looking for work again as an illustator/animator/3d artist; I wasn't very good as a Quality Assurance software testing technician.

  33. Lately, when I get out of bed, I ride the stationary bike or go for a walk.

  34. I'm working at the task of staying hopeful throughout the day. It is very hard to do this. I try to tell myself that showing up is half the job.

It took me an hour and a half to write this. I need to mow the weed forest that the back yard has become. Maybe I'll think of something to add to this during that time.



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